Rejected Character Koji-Ta Belarus

[KojiTaBelarus]

Name: Koji-Ta Belarus
General Information
Species: Nekovalkyrja, model NH-27
Gender: Female
Age: 18

Family: Mother and Father: Dead
Brother: Syn- Alive
Sister: Alive
Sister-In-Law: Alive
Husband: Moncrith- Alive

Employer: Star Army of Yamatai
Occupation: Science/Medical
Rank: Jôtô Heisho
Current Assignment:

Physical Characteristics
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 99lbs.
Measurements: B:34 W:28 H:31
Bra Size: 34A

Build and Skin Color: Is very athlectic has a skiny but has some muscle on her body, and her skin is pink.
Facial Features and Eye Color: Her face is normal, she has fangs and her eye color is Violet.
Hair color and Style: Her Hair color is Orange, short, and she always wears it down but some of the times she will pull some of it back and wear a head band that matches the color of her hair and wear that to keep her bangs out of her eyes.

Distinguishing Features: Sher can roll her tongue many different ways, and she is very sneaky when it come to being Stealthy.

Psychological Characteristics She has a split personality that only happens when she has to go on to her missions, some of the times, and listens very well to orders and trys to complete the orders 100% of the way
Personality: She is very loveing and caring but when it comes to busines she will get alert and become more work oriented and try to stay focused on the tasks set before her.

Likes: drawing, taking good care of her weapons, and clothes. She also likes keeping things orderly and neat and tends to try to keep the things around her neat, and oderly.
Dislikes: People that want to try to get to her friends, family, and people that are really close to her.
Goals: To someday retire but teach her children in the right steps and have themtry to follow in her footsteps.

History Koji-Ta Belarus was raised up on the knowledge of her name and many different weapons, she als learned at a young age how to use the many different kinds of weappons. Her parents made sure that her and her other siblings were taught the way to fight to protec, and to fight when the time was right to fight. Syn and Koji-Ta are really close to each other and will help each other out when needed. She stay mostly to herself due to the fact she doesn't want to end up like her mother and father, dead. She sits under tree's and drws picture of her family and what they would look like now if they were alive to the very day, she also draws some pictures of how she and her other siblings found her mother and father's remains. She trys to keep her past as secret as possible and keeping a close eye on what she syas to others.

Skills: I am skilled in many forms of matrial arts and also with the use of weapons. Teds to use more Ninja style tactics in her everyday lifestyle.

 

[Zakalwe]

Firstly, you need to post your contact details, this character can not be aproved untill you do.

Secondly, you can not use this character IC untill she is approved.

Actually on the character:

Well ... firstly Neko don't have parents. They are artificial creatures.

Secondly: 18 is very very old for a Neko, most are 2-3.

Thirdly: The personality is a little short, and the split personality is a little cliche, but that doesn't really matter. Althought SA should really consider some form of psychological screening for candidates.

History: The orphan bit is a little cliche. It's frowned upon in SA due to the fact it gives the character motivation, but of a rather artificial variety, and is something important but not RPed out. As my gripe, you don't say what they died of, but I can not stress enough that Neko do not have parents. You may haven to change her to a Geshrin or a Yamataian instead, who do have parents.

Skills: This bit is all wrong. To begin with, never speak in the first person, not even in RP, it's always past tense, third person, but the real problem is that skills are all done wrong. You are meant to have 7. Well described. Look at other characters.

And finally:

You can not RP untill this character is approved by Wes, Rune or Yangfan.

 

[Jadg Wolf]

Please: read the damn Character Creation Guide. It's there for a reason.

Listen to Thomas. Your neko would not be that old, would not have parents, would thus not have been trained by its parents, would likely not be married, and would not be overly skilled in anything (not befitting of a new character). This sounds more like a Yamataian or Geshrin than a neko. You might be able to use the concept, but most of the bio is unacceptable. There are also grammar errors and sparse use of first person.

It's almost insulting to us (or maybe just me) to come in posting without having read the rules, which it seems like you've done. I'm not attacking you, you just need to read the rules and post your contact info.

By the way, the RP thread you started: first, it shouldn't have been done, which Thomas already said. But when you do start RPing, if you start a thread, give an actual location. As the thread is now, no one could really join in, which makes it fairly useless as far as RP goes.

Welcome to Star Army. Have fun, and good luck fixing your bio.

Edit: Oh, and "The Ayenee Empire"? Are you from Ayenee?

 

[Yangfan]

Welcome to the Star Army RP.

Please post contact details here.

The CCG is here, if you had trouble finding it.

 

[Andrew]

This bio appears to be abandoned?